I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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