we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
