his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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