she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
