She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's blow job season.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
