how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
