I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
