Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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