at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
