he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
