Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
