Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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