His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
