Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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