Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
