Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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