So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can I color on your dick again?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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