He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
