Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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