can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
