Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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