if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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