Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
