Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
