he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
