Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
