i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
