Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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