dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
