his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We talked him into tasing himself.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
