so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
