I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
