Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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