Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
