Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
