i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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