guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
