Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize