: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
