Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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