but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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