sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
