from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize