I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
