I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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