All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
