she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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