"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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