If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
