I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
