Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
