This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
