I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
