a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
