neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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