Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
