Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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