either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
