It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
