Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
