So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
