I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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