Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
