It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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