watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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