he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
