I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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