Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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