Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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