yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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