What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
