How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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