I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
