I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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