There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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