I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
