She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
